So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
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I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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