Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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