I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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