I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
