I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
