I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
