So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
