you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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