when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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