His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
