um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
