Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
