when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
