This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
