if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
