So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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