my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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