Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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