My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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