She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
