Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize