Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
