Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
