i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im holly from the hills drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
