Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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