the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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