I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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