Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
