kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
