Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
