You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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