is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
