I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
someone get that fucking seahorse.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Success! We fucked roommates!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
