His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
