Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
