Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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