I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
