A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
