Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
