We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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