i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
