My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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