my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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