I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
