You were right. It hurts to walk today.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
