isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
