dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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