So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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