what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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