is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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