Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Randomize
