nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
