Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
