Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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