i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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