Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
