The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
