went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
