You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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