Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
