Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
