i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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