As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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