I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
